Help after baby arrives

A Choice Mom-in-the-making asked what kind of help she should try to line up before her child was born. Experienced moms on the Choice Mom discussion board responded with a unanimous "ask for all the help you can get." This insight from Lily was especially helpful.

You will need help especially for the first week at home. After that, you will need a human to talk to. A lot will depend on what you can get to easily. I can walk to all basic shops and the baby's doctor. I had a c-section, stayed in the hospital for three days (my doctor is mean and wouldn't let me stay the fourth). My mother stayed with me for five days. So I was totally on my own eight days after birth. It was kind of weird, but not that bad (except when the power went out in my high-rise; when it stayed off after several hours I had to organize up a group of people to come get me, the baby, and our stuff down nine flights of stairs and to someone else's house for the evening. Thankfully the power came back on right as I finished organizing who was doing what).

When my parents came back for another week, they were here during the day. For the most part, I could take care of the baby on my own, but not anything else. Once I was up and about, then I could cook/clean when he was sleeping, which they do a lot for the first few weeks.

I would suggest scheduling the helpers for the beginning, and the visitors after about two weeks.

In terms of having people get you stuff -- if you feel weird about taking their money, then get a bunch of gift cards from grocery stores, Target, etc., and give them the card so they don't have to pay for it themselves.

Also, something I found helpful (and it took me a mental change to do it) is to not be afraid to ask for specific things. Most people, when they say "if you need anything, just ask," do mean it, but the help doesn't materialize because the helpee feels funny asking.

I have learned that if someone is in a position to need help, I offer something specific. "I'm going to the grocery store/cleaners/drugstore..." Or, "can I bring dinner tonight?" Or, "I have three free hours this afternoon, do you want me to babysit?" Rather than tossing out a generic offer.

I also hired a post-partum doula to come after the second week, to come a few times a week to help do things, show me how to bathe the baby, cut his nails, and just give me a break. Friends are cheaper, but doulas can be great (and show up during the work week).

You will also need some kind of backup plan in case you have to have a c-section. There will be restrictions on driving and you'll have a harder time doing things like lifting anything for longer (especially if it's an emergency c after labor). You will need someone who can take you and the baby to the pediatrician (they make you go back right after you get home), is on call in case you need to get back to a hospital, and someone to do the heavy lifting.

Good luck!